Hi folks, sorry I haven't posted in a day or two. The truth is I've just been too tired, both physically and mentally to put my thoughts into words. As you already know, last week my boss was on vacation so I had to cover for him. That is a week I hope to forget! Everything turned out well but it was so draining!
This week my boss is back but our work schedule has been hectic! With the automotive industry in it's unstable condition shops like mine are either feast or famine. Well this week it's definitely a feast! Were so busy that I'd venture to say that I'm doing more work in one day than I normally do in two!
This is good as far as job security is concerned but it's bad on my energy level. I'm not really that energetic of a person to start with and my job at normal levels leaves me very tired by the time two o'clock rolls around. I think it's harder for me because last week was so mentally stressful.
Anyway this morning I was just so drained that I couldn't face the day. I haven't missed a days work since my wife had surgery in May so I called in. I know that I shouldn't have done it but I just couldn't deal with that drama and workload today. I know, I'm a lazy butt.
Some of you may not know it but I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, called O.C.D. for short. It gets complicated to explain what it does to me specifically but one of the things it does is cause me to suffer from depression. Usually my medication takes care of this for me but sometimes I still get down. Now is one of those times. I think that it's partly because of how tired I am.
I'm not a people person at the best of times. When I'm struggling with depression or other aspects of my O.C.D. I just don't have the mental or emotional resources to deal with people at times. I think it's really the reason why I called off today.
Most of the employees at my work only speak Spanish and since I'm one of only three bilingual people there, when I'm not inspecting parts I'm usually translating for someone. Today that just seemed too demanding for me so I played hooky!
Speaking of my mental shortcomings, I had to go see my psychiatrist today. (See?! I really AM crazy!) I go and see her about every two months just to monitor that my meds are working properly. I told her about the depression and she also thinks that part of it's just my workload right now. Also she said that sometimes, no matter what meds I may be on, the depression just breaks through.
The hard part right now is my spiritual life. It's really hard to have faith when your outlook in general is already gone kaput. I don't really want to read my bible or pray. When I do, I feel condemned for my failures or I just feel numb and want to get it over with. I will continue to both read the Word and pray anyways however because I know that God is the only one who can pull me out of this funk. I've learned that sometimes when I don't feel any faith I have to just keep doing what I know is right until my feelings catch up with me. It's easier said than done but then most things that are important usually are.
Anyway, not to worry, just like a bad burrito that's setting too heavy on your stomach, this too shall pass. There's no need to worry about me, Stacey's doing a good job of keeping me laughing, but any of you that are believers know that I do covet your prayers.
3 comments:
Yes I hear ya when you say this too shall pass. I sometimes wonder if I suffer from Depression. I know I have anger issues I have been watching this morning talk show called Dr. Keith Elbow or something like that and he talks about mainly women who have just sudden bursts of anger and I know that is me I can wake up some mornings just ANGRY No real reason just feel Hateful and ANY LITTLE thing can set my Anger off and then the best thing to do is just stay out of my path of destruction on days like this I just want to be alone. Sometimes Tim dont understand and he will try to come talk to me and comfort me and then that Makes me more Angry its like I said leave me alone cant you even do that. Luckily for me and everyone those days are usually few and far between. It happened to me a few weeks ago but after I have my alone time sometimes to cry or think or just listen to music, then I am fine and back to my normal self. I dont know why it is but sometimes it is like that so I know how you feel and dont feel bad for taking the day off sometimes you just need some you time with out anyone around. :)
Love the honesty!
We all need to take a day off every once in awhile. It is healthy for us!
I want to encourage you to keep seeking God in the midst of this. It is evident that you are being attacked.
Annemarie I definitely believe it's spiritual in nature also. It can't be a coincidence that every time I try to get closer to God that it gets worse. Thanks for the encouragement!
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